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This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.
Out of Nowhere by Roan Parrish
Series: In the Middle of Somewhere
Release Date: February 24, 2016
Pages: 274 • Format: eARC
Published By: Dreamspinner Press
Dreamspinner • Amazon • ARe
The only thing in Colin Mulligan’s life that makes sense is taking cars apart and putting them back together. In the auto shop where he works with his father and brothers, he tries to get through the day without having a panic attack or flying into a rage. Drinking helps. So do running and lifting weights until he can hardly stand. But none of it can change the fact that he’s gay, a secret he has kept from everyone.
Rafael Guerrera has found ways to live with the past he’s ashamed of. He’s dedicated his life to social justice work and to helping youth who, like him, had very little growing up. He has no time for love. Hell, he barely has time for himself. Somehow, everything about miserable, self-destructive Colin cries out to him. But down that path lie the troubles Rafe has worked so hard to leave behind. And as their relationship intensifies, Rafe and Colin are forced to dredge up secrets that both men would prefer stay buried.
“You,” he says, “are lying to yourself if you think you’re living in the world. You’re barely making it through. You know what you want but you’re too scared to go after it. You think being gay is what makes you weak?” He shakes his head, and there’s no pity in his face. “Living a lie when you don’t have to. Acting like you’re the only one affected by your decisions. Those are the things that make you weak. It’s just fear.”
Brace yourself, this book was so amazing. Roan Parrish is definitely a force to be reckoned with. Her words and her emotions are so visceral. I damn it felt gutted by the end of reading this book. I didn’t think after book one that I could have those emotions, but this book was 10 times worst on my heart. I love her writing so much. It’s so gritty, authentic and just reads beautifully. I get so much of what she was dictated that I read this in one sitting, and decided to read it again the next day just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. She did write Colin’s story to real and it left my emotions eviscerated. Let’s be clear, I didn’t think no matter what Colin’s reasons were that I would be okay for his treatment of his brother. I’m so big on family, and as the oldest sibling, I couldn’t see myself treating either of my sisters like that. Colin had so much self hatred going on in his life it was look walking through fog when he decided to live his truth. Jeez, Roan writes the love interest so well. Rafe is another amazing character trying to work out his second chance life. I live for stories like this because it’s easily relate able to know someone like Colin & Rafe. They can be your brothers, friends, co-workers, spouses. It’s so easy for people to judge and spew their hate that they don’t have a clue what it’s like to put themselves out there.
That vulnerable look that says, This is how you hurt me. Go ahead, it’s easy. And I want to punish him for being so weak. So easy to hurt. For being such easy prey that he turns me into a predator by default.
The imperfection of Colin & Rafe makes this book so great. Rafe is trying to turn his life around. He’s trying for his sobriety, his livelihood, and his relationship to Colin. Colin is such a ball of contridiction. When he’s first introduced in book one, he was just mean. I didn’t like him at all. I never thought that I’d be rooting for him by the end. Him as a person was so broken, devastated and destroyed. He yearn to live up to this character of being the perfect son. I don’t actually think he realized that his father wasn’t looking for that. Reading this was heartbreaking because Colin was trying to be the best possible him, but constantly living in fear, and all this hate about himself. The first initial meeting of Rafe & Colin was Colin being a douche. Colin hating Daniel for living in his truth, for Daniel just doing what he wanted without the ramifications that Colin assumed there would be. It’s hard too say what I want without spoiling it, but I hated his father. Okay that’s not fair, but I hated how his children felt like they needed to be in order to be loved. I noticed the same thing with Daniel, Colin was so use to being by himself outside his family. I don’t think he knew how to love, or why people fall in love. I loved the patient side of Rafe. I loved everything about Rafe. His social justice ideals, and give back to the community. I loved the center with the kids. This book taught about the prison system and decarceration. I never really thought of that before, but she definitely opened my eyes on the subject. I could go on and on with how much I love this, but I feel like when you finish this book you’ll be in love the same way I am. Thank you Roan for giving me these characters.
I think sometimes the people we get angriest with are the ones who have the things we want the most.”